By summer, I needed something to take the pain away. Big loves don't come every day. Instead of "boyfriend hunting", searching for an exact copy of my ex, why not get out there, enjoy dating, have a good laugh — and, if I felt a connection, some good sex too?
I could be married in five years and I'd never experimented before. This was my chance to see what all the fuss was about. There's a hierarchy of seriousness on the dating sites. At the top is something like Guardian Soulmates or Match — the ones you pay for. You put in your pictures and add some information if you can be bothered. I started with one line "Single Canadian girl in London". It's superficial, based purely on physical attraction, but that's what I was looking for. You go through what's there, if you see someone you like, you swipe right.
If he swipes you too, it lights up like a game, then asks if you want to keep playing. My first Tinder date was with someone I'd seen before on OKCupid — the same faces crop up on all these sites. He knew all the cool restaurants, the best places and, as he was only in London occasionally, things moved faster than they should have. After just a few dates, he booked us a night in a fancy Kensington hotel.
I met him at a pub first — liquid courage — and knew the second I saw him that my heart wasn't in it. The connection wasn't there for me. Not a great start. But Tinder is addictive. You find yourself browsing and swiping and playing on.
The possibilities pile up. I'm ashamed to say it but I sometimes went on three or four dates a week. It could be to a bar around the corner, or somewhere fabulous — Berner's Tavern, the Chiltern Firehouse.
Most of the guys I met were looking for sex, rarely were they after a relationship. With Tinder, I discovered what it could be to have sex then walk away without a backward glance. Sex didn't have to be wrapped up with commitment, and "will he? It could just be fun. Sometimes I had nothing in common with the guy but there was a sexual spark.
In "real life", he was the ultimate knob. He didn't fit with my politics, my views, I'd never have introduced him to my friends. In bed, though, he was passionate, eager, energetic. For a while, we'd hook up every six weeks. But there were a lot of negatives. It could feel … seedy.
Where do you go for sex? I didn't feel comfortable taking someone back to my place, as he'd then know where I lived, and I live alone. If we went back to his, I'd have no idea what to expect. With "Aldgate East", we had to walk through a pub to get to the bedroom and I swear there was a train going through the lounge. You're trusting people you barely know. After a few dates with "Manchester", I agreed to visit his hotel room next time he was in London.
I'd always been diligent about practising safe sex, but he had trouble getting in the mood with the condoms and went against my wishes at the last moment. The next morning I wrote him an angry text. I've never felt so violated. Most often, though, I didn't have sex at all. I generally left home open to the possibility but found, when my date showed up, that I didn't want to see him again, let alone see him naked.
There was no spark, or he was dull or gross or just too pushy. One date chased me to the tube trying to shove his tongue down my throat. Another — who started promisingly — changed after his second drink, spilling a glass of wine on me without apologising, and cutting me off each time I spoke.
It can be harder to walk away when you've met through Tinder. We began by talking, but I was incredibly horny and took charge. I could tell immediately that she liked that a lot and that fed my intensity. We kissed, I slapped her ass, she asked me to get more aggressive. I straddled her face and fucked her throat, pulling out from time to time to slap her cheeks with my cock. I demanded that she masturbate for me and she had a powerful orgasm. The fucking was hard and intense. I pulled off the condom and ordered her to slide her pussy up and down my bare cock.
She was nearly out of control at this point and came twice more, sliding and grinding against my throbbing cock.
She tried to pin me down and reverse roles, but I fought back and regained control. I then grabbed her around the waist with my free hand and thrust against her. She made only the weakest attempt at resistance, and so I slid about an inch of my bare cock inside her. She cried out in delight and slid all the way down on me as I thrust up into her.
We began to fuck hard. The sensation of her bare skin and her juices against my cock was amazing. I rolled her over and pounded her hard, asking her if she liked how if felt. How did you feel about it the next day?
How do you feel about them now? I enjoyed every minute. What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it.
How intoxicated was your partner? To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? This is my little secret. What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Sexual intensity, bareback skin-on-skin contact, forbidden nature of the act. Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? You have a hookup story to share? Tags 1on1 20s 30s 40s alcohol anal birth control bisexual blowjob cheating college condoms consensual cunnilingus Europe female fingering fling FM fuck-buddies FWB hetero intercourse intoxicated male mostly hetero no condoms no intercourse no orgasm North America not religious not secret one-night stand oral orgasm positive post-grad secret semi-secret single sober somewhat religious USA vaginal white.
Just now What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status How would you best classify this hookup? Paid sex How long did you know the person before this hookup? How sexually satisfying was this hookup?...