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Kids are the reason we decide to heal the marriage, not endure suffering. Sometimes the only reason anyone would consider staying in the marriage is to protect their children from divorce.

The rare marriages when a divorce is justified, or the kids actually do better are so few that it is not worth mentioning. It is wrong; period.

But you have to choose. Do you prefer punishing him, and pushing him further out the door? Or, do you want to try to save your marriage? You cannot have both. You are allowing your anger to rule you. Sex is not love, and love is not just giving sex. If you wish to save your marriage you will have to change who you are, or you will keep doing the same things that ruined your marriage his cheating is a symptom. Get our marriage help program!!! Dear Rachel, I understand your and see that we are in the same boat, I just want to know how you over came it!!!

You know I was reading your article, and what what r u trying to sell…I am a woman who was meant to be a mother and house wife and I have been with the same man for 17 years and from the start he has been on numbers and dating sites. I have been the one to be loving and pleasing in and out of bed.

I have done everything, everything to hold us together and he does nothing…So tell me…where have i gone wrong, how is any of this my fault in any way? Audrey Your situation is not pleasant to hear about. Were you aware of his calls when you married him? Some men never mature, even when they are married and have children. In those situations it is nearly impossible to do anything other than endure, and cover, so your children are unaware.

However, in most homes where the husband has strayed it is because he gave in to temptation instead of opening up to his wife. In far too many of those cases the wife is oblivious of her failures and would not listen even if her husband laid it out as succinctly as I do. Its NOT her fault! Its a problem with a lack of true marital knowledge.

How many understand how to gauge their own behaviors? Express love as a natural part of their life? How to create ongoing intimacy? How to be truly compassionate? If you want a truly happy marriage it is well within your power. You are correct in stating that web sites like Ashley Madison need to disappear from the face of the earth.

I know from personal experience that affairs are like atomic bombs, they destroy everything in their path. I filed for a divorce immediately. We were married for over 20 years. I also discovered that he had been cheating for the 2nd time, this time his affair partner was a married woman.

I believe no marriage can be salvaged if the wayward spouse refuse to change and develop a moral compass. I could no longer accept my ex-husband dishonoring me and disrespecting our teenage daughter. Dear Msjay I am sorry for your personal experience. I know many therapists, if not most, suggest infidelity spells the end of the marriage. But that is not our experience. I only wish we could have been there for you and your family.

I later discovered that he had at least 4 other sexual affairs and was fired from his job for downloading porn images. Thank you for your well wishes and keep up the good work. The past is the past, and I am glad you have moved on to raise your daughter well. It is rare, no matter how awful things may appear, to have to lose a marriage, thanks to our discoveries about marriage, and the way we approach it.

Many thanks and blessings for sharing your story and confirmation about the Ashley Madisons of the world. I read your article. It was an interesting take on things… I am 6 months into my new marriage, recently discovered my husband has been on a sex dating site. Wrong or right I felt better confronting him, I am glad he is gone and if he thinks the grass is better well so be it.

Hi Bella, You know the article was not written for newlyweds, but for marriages where there are children, and saving the marriage is of a much higher importance. In your case you did the right, and recommended thing…please read this https: My husband and I have been married 8 years but I feel like it never was a marriage. From the start a week after we were married he was talking to other girls. All throughout are marriage he has done this. All the same story. I feel like our marriage was a big waste of my time.

We have 2 kids and guess what after each kid was born in found him talking to other girls. He does everything you can think of to do. Fuck book, Kiki, snap chat, creating different email accounts. Ando bc he has. Yet here I am trying to make it work. In our marriage help program for women we begin with how to manage your mind so the impact is greatly lessened, and how to see your husband as having a disease to contend with, that hurts everyone.

Then, we go over marriage in depth, so all your expectations can be realistic. Your husband is reacting; to your behaviors, as well as his own misconceptions. Every man will react differently. You cannot alter the things in his mind, but you can alter the outer conditions, meaning how you are with him. In most cases that is more than enough.

In some cases the husband might be using alcohol, drugs, or be impacted by something nobody can see, and those cases are tougher. Bur usually the marriage should get better in ways you cannot now imagine.. So, what courses are there? And he was a really bad drunk. I need to feel loved as well. Dear Sarah My suggestion for you is to take our program which is unconditionally guaranteed. I am not saying it will work, because of the drugs and alcohol.

But there are many things you can do to be less victimized, and maybe help your husband to see the light. Good Luck to all of you.

Now, if you wish, you can learn more about marriage and take yours to a higher level, without fear of making mistakes. He was on his own for a long time and I think they were his female companionship. We both are seniors with very bad experiences in the past and he has many good qualities. I think his male self esteem has been seriously compromised from the past. While I am not threatened by them, I know they indicate that our relationship is not what I want it to be.

He is very afraid to open up but is doing so slowly. I agree that confrontation is unlikely to benefit anyone. It does not take away from the good stuff in our relationship. I have recently started sending him love song videos which he seems to appreciate. I have had, at various times, to make the decision as whether I want to promote this relationship or end it.

I have decided to promote it. His communication with me about deep issues and also just to keep on touch when he is away is improving slowly but steadily. At some point I may share with him that I know about it, but in a kind way acknowledging that he has some needs that are not met in our relationship.

Since he has been doing it for a long time before we met I would not expect that he would drop it immediately. None of us is perfect. Your ability to weigh the positives against the negatives and let go of the negatives will allow your love to grow without restraint.

Not building expectations that cannot be met is further proof of your innate wisdom, and your refusal to be influenced by trendy and false crazy ideas is admirable. I think you would enjoy our book. You remind me of one our earlier coaches, who was a MFT and he taught psychology at the collage level. You will do very well with your man, and when you marry you will be able to enjoy much more connection. Blessings to you both. Which book is that?

I taught at college for years — in the area of the sciences mainly. Developing that was my first priority.

My students taught ne much. You will enjoy and benefit from Breaking The Cycle https: In the past year I have found several dating sites my husband is linked to. I confronted him when I discovered a contact in his phone disguised as a male but was really a woman from one of the sites. He deleted the sites but this past week I saw more accounts linked to an email he claims not to use.

These sites are specifically for affairs and hook ups. There were even pornographic in his drafts folder. The most recent blow in the course of 48 hours was finding him texting a former friend of mine that slept with my boyfriend back in college. He claims she texted him and told him to disguise her number. I just recently moved across the country for his new job and we have a young child.

Dear Molly, I think you wrote to us, but I will answer here for the sake of others. Marriage is not a plaything or temp relationship, but the way media approaches it we all have ideas about marriage that makes it tough to make it work. I would not condone any actions which are not marriage building, but the truth is your husband, and you, do not know until you know. The very purpose for our existenceis to teach marriage. Either take our course or read our book.

Your situation is not only fixable, but you can use this as a wake up call. I agree with your opinion. May be worsened the situation. I have 5 years old daughter and hence feel sceptical to take any bold step. I am trying my best to understand his psychological and physical needs, and trying to fulfil at his requirement level. I have started to show him more love and attention; and trying to motivate him a lot because his professional life is not good from past many years.

Please advise me if I am incorrect somewhere. I have two questions, please advise me: How to maintain my sexual life? But I keep going to him after few days.. How do I help him come out of online dating, affairs etc. Also presently he is staying in different city because of his work. I am glad you followed that course of action. Turning from taking things personally to compassionate understanding is a powerful medicine that you need to take for the rest of your life.

Please read one of our books or take the course…you will be fine if you become knowledgeable. I understand that the advice you are giving is logical.

It could work if the man truly is in love and just acting badly. It makes me cry to read though. I feel as if this behavior destroys me. Why must i be so much better then i am to deserve to truly be cared for. My brain says people are human and they can hurt you and love you at the same time. My heart says no, i have loved you and you have used me. How nasty that you should do that and the only way i can fix it is to go on and on feeling so unloved while i try to win you.

Dear Betsy Your confusion is completely understandable, and very common. We give and give and give. To the end of the earth and yet we should be the ones to change more? To live more so that we can win him back? He refuses to get help, counseling. Dear Kris Can you recall one time in your life that resentment actually accomplished anything good? Because I have never seen or heard of anger, vengeance, or expectations ever create a positive result.

Our point is that those who escape their marriages, their wives, by going onto porn sites, or looking for sex fixes, are running for a reason. Is it right that they should do so?

But neither is it right that a wife would abandon all loyalty, and all compassion, to express her disdain for the man she married by condemnation. Your husband is not perfect.

We are here to help marriages, and we are very good at it. Our clients are successful. But we will only alter our ways when we find a better way to heal marriages. Confronted him and he denied, denied, denied. Gave him photocopies of proof, then he started being affectionate to me. I wanted to throw up. So we finally talked and I chose to continue the relationship if he could confront the ex and tell her he would not be speaking with her anymore.

I thought we had worked things out. Recently my girlfriend tells me he is messaging her through a dating site. Asked him why he was on a dating site.

Again deny, deny, deny. I joined the dating website and messaged him. Still he denies that he got my message. The site confirms that he was online and got it. So do I continue to be treated like an ass at home while he is doing whatever when I go to work to support us both???? Somehow I do not think you are married. The things you did are aggressive, confrontational, intense.

What would your reaction be? I do hope there are no children involved. Neither of you are educated enough to raise children properly, and perhaps not mature enough either. You do not ask questions that would help your relationship. So there can be no valuable feedback for you. I have more than one degree and have studied psychology and human development. I have two grown children that are doing very well.

Self-improvement is necessary when our old ways fail us. What is not being dealt with is the hurt and extreme pain that we endure. What do we do with that??? Sometimes the only comfort is to let it go because harmony is much more tolerable. Susan, you cannot control your husband, but you can learn to manage your mind.. It is not your husbands actions that are the root of your suffering, but how you perceive his actions, or better stated, how your mind perceives his actions. Your mind will control you until, through educated understanding, you learn to control it.

Then, and only then, can you be on the path to happiness. Our teachings are not to become a martyr. Our teachings are wonderful explanations so you can be happy. Dear Jan I can appreciate your comment about my advice as it applies to your own situation, but a general article is not intended to cover every situation, nor do I suggest that a few tips are always adequate to resolve an issue that is essentially a symptom.

My advice is to let women know that although it is not their fault their husband is yielding to this monstrous temptation, there are things they can do about it. The fact that you would trash me personally, says a lot about your personality and approach to your husband, who is much closer to you. Your level of expectations of him are obviously greater than he can deliver, yet you pummel him in a public venue- venting.

Where is your spiritually driven compassion? Would you expect a man with a broken arm to carry a piano? My advice is sound, based on the core principles we teach. Not everyone can appreciate the depth, but we have seen much worse situations than yours get corrected. You have a done a great job protecting your children and remaining loyal. I wish you would study what we offer so you can do even better — Paul.

I am a pretty woman. I get hit on all the time by men but I tell them I am married and not interested. Anyhows I just found out about two months ago that my husband has 5 accounts on sexads. How I found out is because I made an anonymous account on there and searched his name. Anyhows, he has been searching for local women to hook up with and be even prints out pictures of these women that are nude.

It makes me furious about it. I tried to block this site but then he abuses me and calls me a bitch over and over. Also he drinks so that ads to the situation too. I have tried to be attracted to him like I used to but he just wants sex. He is not an attractive man.

He is very skinny and the alcoholism has aged him badly. I need advice please!!! Dear Gail Alcohol is a terrible disease of the mind, and those who fall into its clutches have a very difficult time getting unhooked because it reduces the users will power, sometimes slowly, sometimes drastically. Our advice is for you to rise above your current situation, yes, but also take precautions that prevent you from sliding into the state he is in.

We also advise you to create in yourself an attitude of compassion towards him, rather than disdain, because compassion forces you to up while not pushing him further down.

We have been together for 12 years and married 8 we fell in love with each other after both being in very difficult relationships, moved in together both having children from previous marriages, but we got through everything that had been thrown at us.

I thought we always had this special connection not matter what we were there for each other. I have just found on my husband computor he joined a sexy dating site chatting to woman saying sexual things he wanted to do to them and to arrange to meet one inpertiqular, I beleive this has not happened as i spoke to the girl, All i can say is i am heartbroken.

I have confronted him I did scream and shout at first but that is because my husband the man i love destroyed me, he has deleted everything he tells me he loves me and he is sorry and that it became an addiction.

I am trying to pick up the pieces but i feel so hurt how could he do this to us, to us we were suppose to be solid. Suzy The test you are going through is difficult, to say the least, but that does not mean you will not get to the other side of this, and far beyond.

This is a wake up call. What you do from here is up to you, and how you perceive what happened the reasons why will have a lot to do with what you do from here. Understanding the difference between how men and and women relate to sex, due to biological drives and social training is essential for you.

Then, when you have the option of feeling compassion instead of hurt, you will be able to move forward if you plan on being there for him. We have seen this situation many times before. We have never seen a failure at least with our clients. I have been married for 10 years. He is constantly checking his phone. He had put us in financial problems. I feel sick to think that he could to this to me. I wish I knew about his life style before I got pregnant. Please what can I do I feel so alone.

Dear Agnes Please contact us through our coaching…go on the website, and find the contact link. I have been married for 14 years, he has been acting weird latley so I decied to check his phone, and he is signed up to numerous online dating websites. What do I do? Do I just keep my mouth shut and assume he is just browsing. It is not your fault, but saving your relationship is going to take you stepping up your love and expressions. AND, it is not a good time to bring it up.

I have been in a committed relationship for over 5 years. Lately I noticed that there was something not right in the relationship,as he always hid his phone from me and would never allow me to see his passwords on his computer. Well one day he left his computer open with his emails right there in front of me. I found a message that he sent to a woman whom was a work associate. The message contained very passionate and sexual connotations.

I asked him about this. I felt very hurt because I was very committed to him and had been by his side for everything and loved him and showed him love. I felt very angry as this was going on for quite some time. They were going to lunch together frequently. He said that there was nothing sexual between them.

How could there not be any more. He never spoke to me like that. He said he would stop seeing her at lunch and stop the emailing and texting with her. That was one month ago. What should I do? I feel very unwanted. I am rather obsessed thinking about what he may be doing behind my back.

It is a psychophysiological reality that a committed relationship is not the same as marriage. In the past, when we have tried to help couples in less than a marriage we have seen the strain break the bond, as it is just not the same. I suggest you learn about marriage from one of our books or courses, then you may have a better notion of what the right thing for you to do.

We have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way. I recently found him on dating websites like tinder and plenty of fish etc. But today I found him on another one claiming to be single and to having no children.

The idea is we have a good relationship I always have been good to him and his needs are met. So why is this happening. Im not dumb though I know he has to be getting messages from girls and sending them out. Is it worth it to stay? And how should I confront him. Dear Jessica………your situation is as tough as can be because you are doubly vulnerable.

We would say to continue loving him, but protect your family by not allowing sex without a condom. Therapy will likely not work. As you say, he is too immature. But this is not a family buster unless you are the one to bust it.

He, like you, needs unconditional love. It would be wise for you to use our course or, at the very least, read one of our books — both spell out much that you need to learn. Your advice is very similar to a program I followed when trying to save my first marriage. For the most part I think it is sound advice, but there are situations in which I think it must be tweaked.

I found my husband—again—on a dating site. He lies about everything to these women—age, name, location, job. I have in the past ignored the behavior, confronted him, and gently asked why. None of it changed the behavior. I am the sole provider in the house. I work 3 jobs. Per his request I immediately change into lingerie when I arrive home. I cook dinner in lingerie. I maintain the house. I get about 3 hours of sleep each night because he wants me up spending time with him.

When I sleep and go to my primary job he goes online. On top of all this he daily goes through my phone, email, and social media sites; accuses me of sneaking off during lunch to meet with boyfriends; accuses me of being in love with all my exes; and insists that I dress for work just to attract new men. How do you deal with a man for whom it is never enough?

Or am I sacrificing myself for a lost cause? Marcie It is quite possible you chose poorly, and if there are no children in the home who he is taking care of your moving on may be a reasonable thing to do. There is a cardinal rule, that we cannot change another.

So although you are doing your best in these areas there are some missing elements…. But the children aspect is very important to consider. My ex husband has always been on several sites at once and even lies about his age on them. He said he wants to reconcile with me. He lies and lies.

Everytime he got caught he blamed me. Dear Lori We never suggest confrontation because the confronted person will always lie, deflect or….

It is always better to tune into your heart and be the source of love all husbands seek, though sometimes in bizarre ways. Instead you need to develop the knowledge based skills required for marriage…. I am sure you will find happiness, but you need to know where to look. Friedman, have read many of your comments, my daughter is trying to deal with a husband who has cheated once, started a Facebook profile using a fake name, was confronted, took it down, and now is on dating sites with half nude pics of himself-again lying about himself.

They have a young son, he also has a drinking problem and has lied to her many times about his drinking. She has gone to counseling, has tried to learn to not be critical and has tried to reach out to him, but he still blames her then says he is sorry, again lies and drinks, is taking them to financial ruin.

So- you say it is her reaction that can save their marriage? So, if he keeps doing this, she should work on herself and just keep going only to have this happen again and again?

But life is not like that. We need to know as much about marriage and relationships as possible, or we run into one stumbling block after another. The more we strive to do what is right, based on usable principles, in accordance with what we face, the better the outcome. Your daughter is in a troubling situation, and there is no telling how it will turn out over time, but she is still his wife, and still the mother to their child.

If she reads Breaking The Cycle or takes our course if it is easily affordable she will have a much better idea of what she should do…or you can both complain, criticize, and condemn…and keep digging the hole you are all in. Your son in law is hurting, too. His actions are NOT excusable, but you make it sound like he is vindictive rather than trapped. He needs help, too. Twila Your seeing marriage as a give and take relationship, where things have to be fair.

But those approaches cannot work. Marriage is not, and was never meant to be give and take, or fair. But when you understand its innate dynamics marriage will bring you more happiness than any other relationship by huge degrees.

Your sour grapes ideas would be accurate if you were in a business deal. Your husband is not your child, either though they often act that way.

It is not your fault, of course. Our society does not prepare us for marriage or any other relationship. I suggest you at least read our books if you cannot afford the course though it is inexpensive, it cost more than the books. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we were very happy totally in love and the sexual chemistry is amazing.

Last year my mum died and my feelings changed, he became suspicious of me and accused me of cheating. I reassured him and he seemed to accept this, he said he was afraid I was cheating because of my high sex drive, this was totally untrue, I let him have my phone, emails and so on and there was no evidence of a problem so he calmed down and accepted I have always been faithful.

Its been up and down all year, he wanted to make up, then was difficult and unsupportive again. Finally, I checked his emails to find out what was going on, he had been on dating websites, largely to overseas sites, he told me he likes to be admired. I confronted him and we split up, we both went on dating websites but then agreed we had realised what we lost and wanted to start again.

I contacted her she said they exchanged numbers on a dating website but had hardly had much contact. I am now at the point of giving up, I love him very dearly and recently we told eachother we wanted to be together forever, he said we are soul mates and he said we would start again on a new footing but he is still contacting other women.

Any advice would be welcome. Dear Christina It saddens me to see in your example how women have been convinced that the shallowness of sex and surface relationships is all you need. The depth of a woman is in her heart, the gateway to infinite love, not merely a temporary gratification of the emotions.

Within you is that which men seek, that love which they do not have so direct an access to. This love is what you and your boyfriend are missing, and it cannot be easily discovered outside of marriage…. Our world is deprived of depth, and me must make great effort to find the way….

Your hope is in your heart, and you must begin anew to find that, and then you will attract the man who finds it within you. The first time was almost 2years ago I found the secret phone in his work truck, I forgave him,we were trying to work on our marriage.. How in the world do I move past this? Some do not forgive, but callously end their marriage out of anger and frustration.

Others go for counseling in order to understand what happened, and get a feel about what they can now do, but marriage counseling almost never works. You said you worked on your marriage…but how? If you want to work on being an artist or an accountant or anything else you would take steps to learn about whatever subject was necessary to achieve success.

But we seem to ignore the reality that marriage, too, has requisite subjects to learn for success. I do pray for you and hope you understand enough of what I wrote to help you get started with enthusiastic determination. If so than have you ever been cheated on,or been the one to cheat? So thank you for your response,just not the advice I was hoping to recive.. Lana Of course I am very happily married, have children, and so with every coach we bring into The Marriage Foundation.

All of us also understand these teachings inside out so we can do the best we can in helping those who find themselves in trouble. I am sorry you find yourself in this current situation, but some kind of marriage failure was inevitable because your idea of marriage as expressed is impossible. Marriage is not a business deal wherein both parties agree to equal effort, although our worldly training teaches us just that.

Marriage is a give and give relationship, based on premises of each striving to love unconditionally. Your husband did not fail you as much as he failed himself. And now, you wish to punish him, rather than forgive him. If you wish to save your marriage, you probably can, but not with your present thinking. I suggest you take our course or at least read one of our books.

I promise you your thinking is taking you towards divorce. Our thinking and teachings can help you save your marriage. It is your free will that decicdes your fate. Dear Sue What we teach has saved many marriages that would otherwise have ended, hurting the lives of all; spouses, children and future generations. In developing our programs I chose to focus on rehabilitation; of the love, the ideals of marriage, and the potential future.

True, there is pain, but my methods give individuals the power to gain control over the emotions, and the power to tap into the love that is innate within us all. It is not idiotic to strive for solutions that potentially bring happiness, and in most cases our teachings do just that. Do our teachings work in all cases? But we have saved marriages that most wrote off. Individuals who take our courses or read our book ALL have benefited. Not all marriages were saved, but the individual who sincerely puts our ideas into practice always fare much better for the rest of their lives.

My husband has been very cold and has been distancing himself from me for some time. He has been emotionally and physically distant , and I have been craving to get some intimacy back in the relationship. My reaction to this was that we should work on things while we are still under the same roof, as we have children and that we will all be affected by such drastic moves.. My husband finally did move out, 2 weeks ago, and still insists that he wants this marriage to work.

He has not shown any remorse or has even apologised. He wants us to hang as friends and hopefully rekindle what we have lost. I am now at the crossroads.. I no longer feel that I can trust him, but i want this marriage to work. Am I just being a doormat.

Dear Nadi There is no sense blaming your husband for his weaknesses which, as you have seen, only makes him angry and pull further from you. If you are to save your marriage you must understand him, what drives him, and how you, yourself, must think and behave to pull him back into the family. Although it is unfortunate things have come so far it is probably not too late for your family if you do that which makes marriages work, rather than hold him accountable, which always destroys marriages.

A person of compassion is noble, not a doormat. No Excuses Please …. Husband and wife is waiting for Who is going to take the first step…. Porn sites area bad excuse for anything…. Forgiveness is an essential quality to develop within our own consciousness. Without forgiveness we would all be condemned.

He also watches a lot of porn. Plus he has quite a few women friends including his ex-wife. About six years ago, my husband suffered a major stroke that left him paralyzed on his left side. He has visual problems and some cognitive loss. At the time, he was paying all of our bills.

He told me he was just curious. Hiscomputer was filled with porn pics and videos. I tried to give him more attention. But I became the caregiver. At first I needed to help him bath and dress. He is now able to do that by himself. I still help with minor things like clip nails. He has not been able to find work that he can do and is on disability.

We have a 15 year old daughter. I am the sole breadwinner, housekeeper, driver, etc. I do not know if he is still on the dating sites and viewing a lot of porn. I do not want to spy. I am not a religious person so God does not play a part in my decisions.

So, I ask—is it really fair to criticize me for being angry and feeling like giving up? Dear Ginger I will address the question about your daughter first, because the rest of her life is before her. Religious or not, we get married with the idea that if one of us has a calamity the other not just sticks around, but is there to help. It is not an easy commitment to make, but we all do.

Maybe because we are covering our own bases, but the commitment is still a living part of the marriage. Showing your daughter that it is a real part of life is a great gift you are giving her, and although many 15 year old girls are self centered, it needs to be shown to her that giving love and loyalty is a huge part of what opens her heart, while abandoning this deep feminine principle will close her heart,making her a very poor choice as a wife and mother in the future.

Your mind is betraying you right now. You know he is mostly helpless so your primitive survival drive is screaming for relief. Porn is not good, watching porn is not good, going on dating sites when you are married is not good…making your marriage work, starting with what you have, and learning how to ignite the connection…that is good. Your burden is yours, and we cannot say why it is so, but you do not have to take it as such.

Having free will gives you all the power for happiness in any situation you find yourself in. This morning I discovered that my daughter saw they porn and dating sites on my husbands computer at some point in the past.

She brought it up during casual conversation. I asked her why and she said that she saw things on his computer. I asked her what and she said that is was pictures and dating site. She said to her it seamed like cheating.

I had an already scheduled appointment with my therapist and he said that it is considered cheating. It appears that he is in a way stalking her. He is not the same man I married. I want her to be strong and I want her to be happy. I am also worried about my mental and physical health in dealing with all of this. I want to be around for awhile to take care of her. It was six years ago that my husband had the stroke and I found out about the dating sites. But our focus, as individuals, should be on our own qualities with the emphasis of improving ourselves.

Marriage is a great mirror for that, in fact, as we are often pushed, so we can better see our weaknesses. I think your therapist is pandering to you, and adding fuel to an unhealthy fire. But it is still up to you to be selfless and loving. So, that does not mean you walk into spinning propellers, and it does not mean you ignore the needs of your daughter.

But it does mean you should consider looking at your general demeanor to your husband, and see if you are true to your vows. It is true that divorce is the right thing to do sometimes, but your first steps to learn more about marriage and your self just might save you all from the dramas that come from divorce. Nobody should be characterized, and anyone can be; it is a choice.

It would benefit your daughter to read our book, and see if her marriage can be saved, if that is what she wants it is what I want by applying a more reasonable approach to the current situation. It took me many years to get back the trust but I felt I owed it to myself and him to give it my full try and i did now he has destroyed me again. But he feels he has erectile dysfunction and this is the cause of all his purpose.

He wont go for help has gotten Cialis which he has only used with me on a couple occasions but they are all gone all 50 of them. Tell me how am I suppose to get back to trusting when he keeps breaking it. Others suggest let him go to figure it out. After all, everyone of us is suffering through, or dealing with, or trying to overcome one psychological issue or another. You cannot blame your husband for your troubled marriage, and you cannot condemn him according to his mental ailments.

It is outrageous to do so! Are your behaviors towards him not adding to the pressures that has him acting out in such SELF destructive ways?? Where is the loving compassion you, as a wife, ought to be expressing in your heart and mind? All you talk about is how YOU are effected; nothing about his suffering! My suggestion is you ask yourself if you are the model wife, loving and supportive, loyal and nurturing, nonjudgmental and forgiving.

The rules for marriage are not so much about how to treat your spouse as they are about learning to love outside of your comfort zone. I suggest you turn the spotlight of criticism away from your husband, and upon yourself! Sound words that I am taking to heart, thank you. I plan on purchasing the book.

I have been with my fiance for 5 years. Have been going to therapy for 1 month now. I was so heart broken and in tears ever since. What to do, do I have sex with him knowing is not love and intimacy for him?

I love this man and want to make it work. I just would like for him to have eyes for only me, be in love with me and for us to be orgasmically happy. Lonely and Sad, Thank you. Dear Judith You are right that he is merely using you biologically, but he does not know that. Because of worse than zero marital training in our society he is as much a victim as you are, it is just worse for you because you are not able to just walk away not that you want to.

He is looking for what his soul is yearning for, but his mind is driven by his procreative drive, and confused by the stupid non solutions the world has to offer. Men do not grasp love, for what it is, so it is up to the loyal wife to understand her husband and lovingly nudge him back into her heart…but chances are you are not yet acting from a heart centered place, even though you write very well.

The book will help you immensely! The course would be greatly helpful as well. I hope commitment and marriage will be the outcome from your studies… I would suggest you stop the meeting with the therapist, as your husband is using it to vent and that will only strengthen the error, as his mind rationalizes away his practical responsibilities.

I want it to be. Im going to make this work! One last question…do I share this course with him? So we both follow it together? Or do I keep all these studies to myself? Dear Judith Free will is one of the greatest gifts each of us have been given. The slightest idea that someone is imposing on our free will causes defensiveness. For that reason we suggest you start the course and book, and after a time you can tell him what you are doing. Best, in your situation where there is already a lot of resentment, to not even mention that he also has full access, unless he asks.

The, if he does, play it cool… As you start implementing changes you can share how much help you are getting, but wait a month or so before you say anything. Paul, I have been reading all the sad stories women have written and it makes me ask why? I like the other women have been married 21years to a man that has LOTS of issues. We have 3 remarkable children, two are almost out of college and my little guy is My 18 year old daughter had a paper to write for school and had to use the office computer because hers was out of juice and the paper had a submission deadline.

She came upstairs a bit later and was visibly upset, I knew somethings wrong. I persisted calmly and sat her down and she fell apart. Its aweful when your children are victims because of someone elses fantasy issues.

I reassured the girls its not there fault or mine. This is his choice and we are where we put ourselves. I dont feel a confrontation will prove anything but make it worse. I however have some soul searching and thinking to do. I believe this is a symptom of a bigger problem. I am aware that I am also not faultless here either. But Its important how I handle this because It greatly affects my children. I am not in a position to divorce him not sure its a solution.

WE Are where we put ourselves. I am mad yes Id like to kick his ass for being so stupid and If pursues these women Ill have my answer I also know all it will take is one of his manic episodes and they wont stick around but I dont have to be a doormate either. My girls are watching me and I must make smart not emotional choices for there sakes. They want confrontation I said its respectfully my love relationship and I must make the decisions. It sucks being the only grown up sometimes, They will also need help with there Dad but for now ME First.

Not sure how there male realtionships will be affected in the future. I guess most of all its my choice to stay or go for now. Dear Sharon You have confused yourself with too much reading of differing points of view, but have come to some very good conclusions. What we did was to establish our work in universal principles, and never stray from them in our teachings, constantly challenging ourselves to remain consistent.

I suggest you do the same with your conclusions, but remain a woman and a wife. You would get a lot of help from our teachings, and hope you consider it. Thanks for the helpful reply. Part of being married is for better or worse, guess this is the worse part YUCK anyway. I am a conservative and have a strong faith. I believe I can draw on it once again to regain my own confidence. Its never fun or funny its a sad state of the union when this rotten stuff happens but I must believe its a symptom of a weakness in my relationship.

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My ONLY desire is to help you get your marriage back, and we are very good at that. We have helped countless women do so; ones who were told it was impossible by others. It is not easy to hear that your husband would not have strayed if your marriage was better. But if you pretend things at home were fine until he strayed you are fooling yourself. Things were NOT fine!

If they were, and he thought so too, he would cherish you and never do anything to hurt you. His straying is a wake up call, or a death knell; that is up to you. Do nothing positive and proactive and your marriage will keep getting worse; guaranteed. But if you take positive action you will not only save your marriage, but you will be able to have a great marriage; I promise you that, too.

It is up to you. Everything is common sense and practical. You can implement what you learn very easily. But either one is very useful. Usually all the power to heal things is in the hands of the wife.

Half our sales are to couples, and both take their course. So, either way is okay. Marriage is the deepest and most holy relationship you will probably ever have. It is between two souls. It means the pure soul of each of you is supposed to utilize your mind, your body, and your self control for the purpose of expressing love , in ways not possible in any other relationship; marriage is the perfect hive for that.

Those couples who live in such a sweet loving marriage never consider cheating. Not because it is immoral, but because their hearts minds and souls are so full of love that the thought never enters into their mind. The other reasons, which follow, are trite in comparison. True, some men never should have gotten married. Those few are cursed with true mental disorders, or are evil a hard bar to reach. But in the vast majority of cases this kind of thing is very healable.

When handled right, the men come back to their senses. This article is not for you if where you want to start, and end, is with condemnation of your husband. That would mean you already decided your marriage is over. We want your marriage to be resuscitated and set back on track; to be better than ever.

That approach is neither realistic or permanent. You will learn to understand him, his weaknesses, and how he succumbed. Otherwise you will never be able to forgive what he did. Understanding is essential in marriage, anyway. So it is a power you will also use to build your marriage. This is the main purpose of the article. The emotional impact, although destabilizing, has to be set aside, best you can, using both techniques, and the great alchemist; time.

You will get started on that pathway. Why should you save your marriage? Just for the kids? It takes a real commitment to put the time and effort into healing, so whatever incentive works for you; go with it. Commonly made mistakes are all too easy to make in these situations. If you already did something, you cannot undo it. Confrontation causes people to dig their hole even deeper. We want to bring you two closer to having a good marriage , not further apart. If you ignore this warning, or already confronted him, there are possibilities you can expect.

This is a cardinal rule for marriage, anyway. Marriage is a closed-off-to-the-world deal. Only the two of you are ever supposed to know what is going on within your marriage, and that practical rule is especially true for your problems.

You are supposed to provide an ultra safe environment , as in cocoon safe, for your children. Your marriage is not meant to be shared with your children, but provide the love, examples training and security they need.

You should NEVER criticize or condemn your husband, anyway; but especially in front of your children. Venting is all the rage; pun intended! I used to be among the very few who advised against confrontation, condemnation, and venting. Thank God more people are getting wiser! But, t he anger will subside.

You will be able to forgive him, and your life will not end. The above keeps you from making things even worse. You may write in to us if you would like to understand better, or if you have any other questions about your marriage. Our specially trained counselors can explain whatever you need. It is what we are here for. But they succumb to temptations. It is a bad choice. You also have a choice; right now. It means they ARE judging, and choose to not allow any understanding driven compassion and forgiveness into their heart.

None of that works. If you ever want a fulfilling marriage, with love as its core, you will need to make some big shifts in your thinking and changes in your behaviors. It is worth it! It is not ignoring or accepting the grotesqueness of the offence, which never has to be done, as much as it is about opening your heart. You may want to react. You may get defensive and angry. Try your best not to do that. It is not your fault that your husband broke moral codes. That is not suggested or implied.

Yet, no one should be too surprised by certain reactions individuals have to their environment. And our counselors, who I personally train and hire to answer questions, are not allowed to tell anyone what to do, either. The following are reactions men who stray have to their marriage. Some are self-created, while others are due to poor marriage behaviors on the part of their wife.

You can use these as a way of gaining insight into your own situation. All of these are fixable. There can be many causes for boredom, but usually it is due to a breakdown in positive interactions. The causes always are due to the couple not having enough practical marriage aptitude. Marriage is complicated, but looks simple. So, their marriage, and relationship. When it becomes too burdensome anyone will seek escape.

But it is better to heal the marriage, and not have to consider escape; because you love to be together. This reaction is all too normal, and usually means the wife has to choose to save the marriage mostly, or all, on her own. In cases of boredom or escape, both of the couple want to take the courses, because they both see the possibilities. But by the time anger causes the man to stray he is not amenable to being part of the problem. Will the marriage make it? Will he stop cheating? But it takes longer for him to jump in and make effort, too.

Usually he remains passive, waiting to see if his wife is sincere. In this case the husband is on his way out. He gave up on his wife, and his marriage. He feels betrayed, abused, and hopeless.

Usually it is because his wife has chosen to not listen to his complaints, or hopes. He already left the home, and his family. However, we have seen determined wives win their husband back. My books will be useful. The first is lighter to read, the other one is our textbook for certifying our counselors. But of course the courses are the best.

Some like to ease into the courses; reading a book, and utilizing our free help. To accomplish anything in life you need to control the mind.

This is a problem for many people, and one I take very seriously. You should take it seriously, too. I created the SEW technique to help people, and always advise its use. Not just for when you have troubles, but for your whole life. No matter what you know, or learn, proper execution requires self-control.

The SEW technique helps you leverage your will power to achieve your aims,. The true lover loves without wanting anything from the one they love, not appreciation, or anything. It can still come back. But not as long as you allow selfish and even hostile thoughts to reside in your mind.

This is a huge test for you to win. You cannot fool life. You cannot pretend to love your husband just enough for him to love you back. You need to persevere with what you learn, and change yourself into the ideal lover. If you do, the results will come…. You can do this! He got really mad at me…. If there are children to consider your situation is a challenge, and your challenges will not be simple.

Because it sounds like you are living together I will share some basic information with you. I may be of some help. He, and all of us, learn in our own time, and in our own way. He is who he chooses to be. If you choose to continue your relationship it will take a lot of patience and effort to get to a normal place. It is clear your relationship was never THAT good, because if it were, he never would have cheated on you.

If you study marriage, like you would anything else that is important to you, you will eventually be fine. Otherwise you will go from one problem to another. You cannot change someone, or make them love you.

But you can become more approachable by being more loving. It is always good to behave according to the highest principles, even when you do not get back what you deserve. Your advice sounds great, however I do not see Why do men feel cheating is fine or date sites etc; War will not end us, my bet is on social media. I came to this site because i wanted to know why people think women should stay and put up with grap like that.

He travels a few times a month, so i happen to know that he is meeting women. He is also 10 years older than me might i add.. Dear Maidinform I agree with you. It is not okay. Why do so many people equate sex with love? Is it how we are trained by the media?

Or are we just shallow? I think it is a lack of knowledge. I think we are sold a bill of false goods by TV and movies, and romantic stories that always end up in the bedroom. Women have a greater capacity for love than men it is just the way it is of course there are scientific reasons and so women are in a better place to lead their marriage back to happiness. Resentment will not help. Criticism will not help. Complaining will not help. Leaving will not help, either!

Dear Kathy You will never find the answers in articles. Find a source that you are comfortable with, then use their teachings. Otherwise your marriage will continue to cycle down. Of course…please use this link, and ask for your request to come to me https: And sex most of us love sex but why do we have to change for him? Some have kids and work our asses off and housework and kids and all and still try to make him happy.

He needs to help! Kids are the reason we decide to heal the marriage, not endure suffering. Sometimes the only reason anyone would consider staying in the marriage is to protect their children from divorce. The rare marriages when a divorce is justified, or the kids actually do better are so few that it is not worth mentioning.

It is wrong; period. But you have to choose. Do you prefer punishing him, and pushing him further out the door? Or, do you want to try to save your marriage? You cannot have both. You are allowing your anger to rule you.

Sex is not love, and love is not just giving sex. If you wish to save your marriage you will have to change who you are, or you will keep doing the same things that ruined your marriage his cheating is a symptom. Get our marriage help program!!! Dear Rachel, I understand your and see that we are in the same boat, I just want to know how you over came it!!! You know I was reading your article, and what what r u trying to sell…I am a woman who was meant to be a mother and house wife and I have been with the same man for 17 years and from the start he has been on numbers and dating sites.

I have been the one to be loving and pleasing in and out of bed. I have done everything, everything to hold us together and he does nothing…So tell me…where have i gone wrong, how is any of this my fault in any way? Audrey Your situation is not pleasant to hear about.

Were you aware of his calls when you married him? Some men never mature, even when they are married and have children. In those situations it is nearly impossible to do anything other than endure, and cover, so your children are unaware. However, in most homes where the husband has strayed it is because he gave in to temptation instead of opening up to his wife.

In far too many of those cases the wife is oblivious of her failures and would not listen even if her husband laid it out as succinctly as I do. Its NOT her fault! Its a problem with a lack of true marital knowledge. How many understand how to gauge their own behaviors?

Express love as a natural part of their life? How to create ongoing intimacy? How to be truly compassionate? If you want a truly happy marriage it is well within your power.

You are correct in stating that web sites like Ashley Madison need to disappear from the face of the earth. I know from personal experience that affairs are like atomic bombs, they destroy everything in their path. I filed for a divorce immediately.

We were married for over 20 years. I also discovered that he had been cheating for the 2nd time, this time his affair partner was a married woman. I believe no marriage can be salvaged if the wayward spouse refuse to change and develop a moral compass. I could no longer accept my ex-husband dishonoring me and disrespecting our teenage daughter.

Dear Msjay I am sorry for your personal experience. I know many therapists, if not most, suggest infidelity spells the end of the marriage.

But that is not our experience. I only wish we could have been there for you and your family. I later discovered that he had at least 4 other sexual affairs and was fired from his job for downloading porn images. Thank you for your well wishes and keep up the good work.

The past is the past, and I am glad you have moved on to raise your daughter well. It is rare, no matter how awful things may appear, to have to lose a marriage, thanks to our discoveries about marriage, and the way we approach it. Many thanks and blessings for sharing your story and confirmation about the Ashley Madisons of the world.

I read your article. It was an interesting take on things… I am 6 months into my new marriage, recently discovered my husband has been on a sex dating site. Wrong or right I felt better confronting him, I am glad he is gone and if he thinks the grass is better well so be it. Hi Bella, You know the article was not written for newlyweds, but for marriages where there are children, and saving the marriage is of a much higher importance. In your case you did the right, and recommended thing…please read this https: My husband and I have been married 8 years but I feel like it never was a marriage.

From the start a week after we were married he was talking to other girls. All throughout are marriage he has done this. All the same story. I feel like our marriage was a big waste of my time.

We have 2 kids and guess what after each kid was born in found him talking to other girls. He does everything you can think of to do. Fuck book, Kiki, snap chat, creating different email accounts. Ando bc he has. Yet here I am trying to make it work. In our marriage help program for women we begin with how to manage your mind so the impact is greatly lessened, and how to see your husband as having a disease to contend with, that hurts everyone.

Then, we go over marriage in depth, so all your expectations can be realistic. Your husband is reacting; to your behaviors, as well as his own misconceptions. Every man will react differently. You cannot alter the things in his mind, but you can alter the outer conditions, meaning how you are with him. In most cases that is more than enough.

In some cases the husband might be using alcohol, drugs, or be impacted by something nobody can see, and those cases are tougher. Bur usually the marriage should get better in ways you cannot now imagine.. So, what courses are there? And he was a really bad drunk. I need to feel loved as well. Dear Sarah My suggestion for you is to take our program which is unconditionally guaranteed.

I am not saying it will work, because of the drugs and alcohol. But there are many things you can do to be less victimized, and maybe help your husband to see the light. Good Luck to all of you. Now, if you wish, you can learn more about marriage and take yours to a higher level, without fear of making mistakes. He was on his own for a long time and I think they were his female companionship. We both are seniors with very bad experiences in the past and he has many good qualities.

I think his male self esteem has been seriously compromised from the past. While I am not threatened by them, I know they indicate that our relationship is not what I want it to be. He is very afraid to open up but is doing so slowly. I agree that confrontation is unlikely to benefit anyone. It does not take away from the good stuff in our relationship. I have recently started sending him love song videos which he seems to appreciate. I have had, at various times, to make the decision as whether I want to promote this relationship or end it.

I have decided to promote it. His communication with me about deep issues and also just to keep on touch when he is away is improving slowly but steadily.

At some point I may share with him that I know about it, but in a kind way acknowledging that he has some needs that are not met in our relationship. Since he has been doing it for a long time before we met I would not expect that he would drop it immediately.

None of us is perfect. Your ability to weigh the positives against the negatives and let go of the negatives will allow your love to grow without restraint. Not building expectations that cannot be met is further proof of your innate wisdom, and your refusal to be influenced by trendy and false crazy ideas is admirable.

I think you would enjoy our book. You remind me of one our earlier coaches, who was a MFT and he taught psychology at the collage level. You will do very well with your man, and when you marry you will be able to enjoy much more connection. Blessings to you both. Which book is that? I taught at college for years — in the area of the sciences mainly. Developing that was my first priority. My students taught ne much. You will enjoy and benefit from Breaking The Cycle https: In the past year I have found several dating sites my husband is linked to.

I confronted him when I discovered a contact in his phone disguised as a male but was really a woman from one of the sites.

He deleted the sites but this past week I saw more accounts linked to an email he claims not to use. These sites are specifically for affairs and hook ups. There were even pornographic in his drafts folder. The most recent blow in the course of 48 hours was finding him texting a former friend of mine that slept with my boyfriend back in college.

He claims she texted him and told him to disguise her number. I just recently moved across the country for his new job and we have a young child. Dear Molly, I think you wrote to us, but I will answer here for the sake of others. Marriage is not a plaything or temp relationship, but the way media approaches it we all have ideas about marriage that makes it tough to make it work. I would not condone any actions which are not marriage building, but the truth is your husband, and you, do not know until you know.

The very purpose for our existenceis to teach marriage. Either take our course or read our book. Your situation is not only fixable, but you can use this as a wake up call. I agree with your opinion. May be worsened the situation. I have 5 years old daughter and hence feel sceptical to take any bold step. I am trying my best to understand his psychological and physical needs, and trying to fulfil at his requirement level. I have started to show him more love and attention; and trying to motivate him a lot because his professional life is not good from past many years.

Please advise me if I am incorrect somewhere. I have two questions, please advise me: How to maintain my sexual life? But I keep going to him after few days.. How do I help him come out of online dating, affairs etc. Also presently he is staying in different city because of his work. I am glad you followed that course of action. Turning from taking things personally to compassionate understanding is a powerful medicine that you need to take for the rest of your life.

Please read one of our books or take the course…you will be fine if you become knowledgeable. I understand that the advice you are giving is logical.

It could work if the man truly is in love and just acting badly. It makes me cry to read though. I feel as if this behavior destroys me. Why must i be so much better then i am to deserve to truly be cared for. My brain says people are human and they can hurt you and love you at the same time. My heart says no, i have loved you and you have used me. How nasty that you should do that and the only way i can fix it is to go on and on feeling so unloved while i try to win you.

Dear Betsy Your confusion is completely understandable, and very common. We give and give and give. To the end of the earth and yet we should be the ones to change more? To live more so that we can win him back? He refuses to get help, counseling. Dear Kris Can you recall one time in your life that resentment actually accomplished anything good? Because I have never seen or heard of anger, vengeance, or expectations ever create a positive result.

Our point is that those who escape their marriages, their wives, by going onto porn sites, or looking for sex fixes, are running for a reason. Is it right that they should do so? But neither is it right that a wife would abandon all loyalty, and all compassion, to express her disdain for the man she married by condemnation.

Your husband is not perfect. We are here to help marriages, and we are very good at it. Our clients are successful. But we will only alter our ways when we find a better way to heal marriages. Confronted him and he denied, denied, denied. Gave him photocopies of proof, then he started being affectionate to me. I wanted to throw up.

So we finally talked and I chose to continue the relationship if he could confront the ex and tell her he would not be speaking with her anymore. I thought we had worked things out. Recently my girlfriend tells me he is messaging her through a dating site. Asked him why he was on a dating site. Again deny, deny, deny. I joined the dating website and messaged him. Still he denies that he got my message. The site confirms that he was online and got it.

So do I continue to be treated like an ass at home while he is doing whatever when I go to work to support us both???? Somehow I do not think you are married. The things you did are aggressive, confrontational, intense. What would your reaction be? I do hope there are no children involved. Neither of you are educated enough to raise children properly, and perhaps not mature enough either.

You do not ask questions that would help your relationship. So there can be no valuable feedback for you. I have more than one degree and have studied psychology and human development.

I have two grown children that are doing very well. Self-improvement is necessary when our old ways fail us. What is not being dealt with is the hurt and extreme pain that we endure. What do we do with that??? Sometimes the only comfort is to let it go because harmony is much more tolerable. Susan, you cannot control your husband, but you can learn to manage your mind..

It is not your husbands actions that are the root of your suffering, but how you perceive his actions, or better stated, how your mind perceives his actions.

Your mind will control you until, through educated understanding, you learn to control it. Then, and only then, can you be on the path to happiness. Our teachings are not to become a martyr. Our teachings are wonderful explanations so you can be happy. Dear Jan I can appreciate your comment about my advice as it applies to your own situation, but a general article is not intended to cover every situation, nor do I suggest that a few tips are always adequate to resolve an issue that is essentially a symptom.

My advice is to let women know that although it is not their fault their husband is yielding to this monstrous temptation, there are things they can do about it. The fact that you would trash me personally, says a lot about your personality and approach to your husband, who is much closer to you. Your level of expectations of him are obviously greater than he can deliver, yet you pummel him in a public venue- venting.

Where is your spiritually driven compassion? Would you expect a man with a broken arm to carry a piano? My advice is sound, based on the core principles we teach. Not everyone can appreciate the depth, but we have seen much worse situations than yours get corrected. You have a done a great job protecting your children and remaining loyal.

I wish you would study what we offer so you can do even better — Paul. I am a pretty woman. I get hit on all the time by men but I tell them I am married and not interested. Anyhows I just found out about two months ago that my husband has 5 accounts on sexads. How I found out is because I made an anonymous account on there and searched his name.

Anyhows, he has been searching for local women to hook up with and be even prints out pictures of these women that are nude. It makes me furious about it. I tried to block this site but then he abuses me and calls me a bitch over and over. Also he drinks so that ads to the situation too. I have tried to be attracted to him like I used to but he just wants sex.

He is not an attractive man. He is very skinny and the alcoholism has aged him badly. I need advice please!!! Dear Gail Alcohol is a terrible disease of the mind, and those who fall into its clutches have a very difficult time getting unhooked because it reduces the users will power, sometimes slowly, sometimes drastically.

Our advice is for you to rise above your current situation, yes, but also take precautions that prevent you from sliding into the state he is in. We also advise you to create in yourself an attitude of compassion towards him, rather than disdain, because compassion forces you to up while not pushing him further down.

We have been together for 12 years and married 8 we fell in love with each other after both being in very difficult relationships, moved in together both having children from previous marriages, but we got through everything that had been thrown at us. I thought we always had this special connection not matter what we were there for each other.

I have just found on my husband computor he joined a sexy dating site chatting to woman saying sexual things he wanted to do to them and to arrange to meet one inpertiqular, I beleive this has not happened as i spoke to the girl, All i can say is i am heartbroken. I have confronted him I did scream and shout at first but that is because my husband the man i love destroyed me, he has deleted everything he tells me he loves me and he is sorry and that it became an addiction.

I am trying to pick up the pieces but i feel so hurt how could he do this to us, to us we were suppose to be solid. Suzy The test you are going through is difficult, to say the least, but that does not mean you will not get to the other side of this, and far beyond.

This is a wake up call. What you do from here is up to you, and how you perceive what happened the reasons why will have a lot to do with what you do from here.

Understanding the difference between how men and and women relate to sex, due to biological drives and social training is essential for you.

Then, when you have the option of feeling compassion instead of hurt, you will be able to move forward if you plan on being there for him. We have seen this situation many times before. We have never seen a failure at least with our clients. I have been married for 10 years. He is constantly checking his phone.

He had put us in financial problems. I feel sick to think that he could to this to me. I wish I knew about his life style before I got pregnant. Please what can I do I feel so alone. Dear Agnes Please contact us through our coaching…go on the website, and find the contact link. I have been married for 14 years, he has been acting weird latley so I decied to check his phone, and he is signed up to numerous online dating websites.

What do I do? Do I just keep my mouth shut and assume he is just browsing. It is not your fault, but saving your relationship is going to take you stepping up your love and expressions. AND, it is not a good time to bring it up. I have been in a committed relationship for over 5 years.

Lately I noticed that there was something not right in the relationship,as he always hid his phone from me and would never allow me to see his passwords on his computer. Well one day he left his computer open with his emails right there in front of me. I found a message that he sent to a woman whom was a work associate. The message contained very passionate and sexual connotations. I asked him about this. I felt very hurt because I was very committed to him and had been by his side for everything and loved him and showed him love.

I felt very angry as this was going on for quite some time. They were going to lunch together frequently. He said that there was nothing sexual between them. How could there not be any more. He never spoke to me like that. He said he would stop seeing her at lunch and stop the emailing and texting with her. That was one month ago. What should I do?

I feel very unwanted. I am rather obsessed thinking about what he may be doing behind my back. It is a psychophysiological reality that a committed relationship is not the same as marriage.

In the past, when we have tried to help couples in less than a marriage we have seen the strain break the bond, as it is just not the same. I suggest you learn about marriage from one of our books or courses, then you may have a better notion of what the right thing for you to do.

We have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way. I recently found him on dating websites like tinder and plenty of fish etc. But today I found him on another one claiming to be single and to having no children. The idea is we have a good relationship I always have been good to him and his needs are met. So why is this happening. Im not dumb though I know he has to be getting messages from girls and sending them out.

Is it worth it to stay? And how should I confront him. Dear Jessica………your situation is as tough as can be because you are doubly vulnerable. We would say to continue loving him, but protect your family by not allowing sex without a condom. Therapy will likely not work. As you say, he is too immature. But this is not a family buster unless you are the one to bust it. He, like you, needs unconditional love. It would be wise for you to use our course or, at the very least, read one of our books — both spell out much that you need to learn.

Your advice is very similar to a program I followed when trying to save my first marriage. For the most part I think it is sound advice, but there are situations in which I think it must be tweaked. I found my husband—again—on a dating site. He lies about everything to these women—age, name, location, job. I have in the past ignored the behavior, confronted him, and gently asked why.

None of it changed the behavior. I am the sole provider in the house. I work 3 jobs. Per his request I immediately change into lingerie when I arrive home. I cook dinner in lingerie. I maintain the house. I get about 3 hours of sleep each night because he wants me up spending time with him.

When I sleep and go to my primary job he goes online. On top of all this he daily goes through my phone, email, and social media sites; accuses me of sneaking off during lunch to meet with boyfriends; accuses me of being in love with all my exes; and insists that I dress for work just to attract new men.

How do you deal with a man for whom it is never enough? Or am I sacrificing myself for a lost cause? Marcie It is quite possible you chose poorly, and if there are no children in the home who he is taking care of your moving on may be a reasonable thing to do.

There is a cardinal rule, that we cannot change another. So although you are doing your best in these areas there are some missing elements…. But the children aspect is very important to consider. My ex husband has always been on several sites at once and even lies about his age on them. He said he wants to reconcile with me. He lies and lies. Everytime he got caught he blamed me.

Dear Lori We never suggest confrontation because the confronted person will always lie, deflect or…. It is always better to tune into your heart and be the source of love all husbands seek, though sometimes in bizarre ways. Instead you need to develop the knowledge based skills required for marriage….

I am sure you will find happiness, but you need to know where to look. Friedman, have read many of your comments, my daughter is trying to deal with a husband who has cheated once, started a Facebook profile using a fake name, was confronted, took it down, and now is on dating sites with half nude pics of himself-again lying about himself. They have a young son, he also has a drinking problem and has lied to her many times about his drinking. She has gone to counseling, has tried to learn to not be critical and has tried to reach out to him, but he still blames her then says he is sorry, again lies and drinks, is taking them to financial ruin.

So- you say it is her reaction that can save their marriage? So, if he keeps doing this, she should work on herself and just keep going only to have this happen again and again? But life is not like that. We need to know as much about marriage and relationships as possible, or we run into one stumbling block after another. The more we strive to do what is right, based on usable principles, in accordance with what we face, the better the outcome. Your daughter is in a troubling situation, and there is no telling how it will turn out over time, but she is still his wife, and still the mother to their child.

If she reads Breaking The Cycle or takes our course if it is easily affordable she will have a much better idea of what she should do…or you can both complain, criticize, and condemn…and keep digging the hole you are all in.

Your son in law is hurting, too. His actions are NOT excusable, but you make it sound like he is vindictive rather than trapped. He needs help, too. Twila Your seeing marriage as a give and take relationship, where things have to be fair. But those approaches cannot work. Marriage is not, and was never meant to be give and take, or fair. But when you understand its innate dynamics marriage will bring you more happiness than any other relationship by huge degrees.

Your sour grapes ideas would be accurate if you were in a business deal. Your husband is not your child, either though they often act that way. It is not your fault, of course. Our society does not prepare us for marriage or any other relationship. I suggest you at least read our books if you cannot afford the course though it is inexpensive, it cost more than the books.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we were very happy totally in love and the sexual chemistry is amazing. Last year my mum died and my feelings changed, he became suspicious of me and accused me of cheating.

I reassured him and he seemed to accept this, he said he was afraid I was cheating because of my high sex drive, this was totally untrue, I let him have my phone, emails and so on and there was no evidence of a problem so he calmed down and accepted I have always been faithful. Its been up and down all year, he wanted to make up, then was difficult and unsupportive again.

Finally, I checked his emails to find out what was going on, he had been on dating websites, largely to overseas sites, he told me he likes to be admired. I confronted him and we split up, we both went on dating websites but then agreed we had realised what we lost and wanted to start again.

I contacted her she said they exchanged numbers on a dating website but had hardly had much contact. I am now at the point of giving up, I love him very dearly and recently we told eachother we wanted to be together forever, he said we are soul mates and he said we would start again on a new footing but he is still contacting other women.

Any advice would be welcome. Dear Christina It saddens me to see in your example how women have been convinced that the shallowness of sex and surface relationships is all you need. The depth of a woman is in her heart, the gateway to infinite love, not merely a temporary gratification of the emotions. Within you is that which men seek, that love which they do not have so direct an access to.

This love is what you and your boyfriend are missing, and it cannot be easily discovered outside of marriage…. Our world is deprived of depth, and me must make great effort to find the way…. Your hope is in your heart, and you must begin anew to find that, and then you will attract the man who finds it within you. The first time was almost 2years ago I found the secret phone in his work truck, I forgave him,we were trying to work on our marriage..

How in the world do I move past this? Some do not forgive, but callously end their marriage out of anger and frustration. Others go for counseling in order to understand what happened, and get a feel about what they can now do, but marriage counseling almost never works. You said you worked on your marriage…but how? If you want to work on being an artist or an accountant or anything else you would take steps to learn about whatever subject was necessary to achieve success.

But we seem to ignore the reality that marriage, too, has requisite subjects to learn for success. I do pray for you and hope you understand enough of what I wrote to help you get started with enthusiastic determination. If so than have you ever been cheated on,or been the one to cheat? So thank you for your response,just not the advice I was hoping to recive.. Lana Of course I am very happily married, have children, and so with every coach we bring into The Marriage Foundation.

All of us also understand these teachings inside out so we can do the best we can in helping those who find themselves in trouble. I am sorry you find yourself in this current situation, but some kind of marriage failure was inevitable because your idea of marriage as expressed is impossible. Marriage is not a business deal wherein both parties agree to equal effort, although our worldly training teaches us just that. Marriage is a give and give relationship, based on premises of each striving to love unconditionally.

Sexy moments can strike when you least expect them. So seize the chance to spice up a night on the couch. Sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph. Back in high school, you probably had rules for how far you'd go: Well, the teenage you was on to something. Most people are just grateful to be getting a oral sex. But that's no excuse to rest on your laurels. Rather than simply moving up and down, use your tongue to slowly wind around his member or her clitoris. When you're at the top, slide your whole mouth down and then up, with a sucking motion," suggests sex therapist Carole Altman, Ph.

Rather than simply making a beeline for your partner's below-the-belt region, create a slow burn with featherlight kisses. Start by kissing eyelashes, then the corner of the mouth, the jaw, and the collarbone. Next, kiss your partner's nipples, chest, down along the treasure trail and over to one hip bone, then the other.

For greater stimulation in missionary position, try this: Give a jolt during sex by gently nipping your partner's shoulders or earlobe. But what lazybones might not realize is that sitting up can enhance the pleasure even more. We're Here to Help. A little unpredictability during sex can make the experience even more intense for you. Two short strokes followed by a long one, three deep ones in a row followed by two quick teases Although your inner bad girl may get off on the idea of being caught in the act, the real you may not feel right about sneaking off to a bar bathroom.

Imlive gives you the option to sex chat with women and bust a nut while talking to them. Best Porn Cams is the best option to find female sex chat partners. This is basically a list website full of awesome live sex chat sites. My husband watches the kids those three days and the other 4 days works on While we wait for our house to be finished, we are living with my mother-in-law. I find it hard to believe that men ONLY text hookers for the thrill. Sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., suggests having your partner use their Although your inner bad girl may get off on the idea of being caught in the act, the . Define no strings attached vivian black escort Western Australia

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