Former escort Gwyneth Montenegro passes on some of her sexy secrets. In fact, many men want a genuine conversation and connection — something they might not get with girls the same age as their daughters. Can you see me wanting to book a year-old?
If I wanted to have some conversation and connection and to feel like I was getting the attention I wanted, do you think a year-old would necessarily give me that kind of service? And getting men excited about bedroom action often had little to do with skimpy outfits out in public. When it comes to the clothes you wear, she said: A post shared by Gwyneth Montenegro gwynethmontenegro on Oct 19, at 8: Montenegro revealed she had written the guide to empower women thinking of entering the industry and to teach them how to survive.
This article originally appeared on The Sun and has been republished with permission. EVER wondered why women get questions that never seem to be aimed at men? Balance, career, babies — the list goes on. The absence of condoms appears to signify security, intimacy and trust between sex workers and their personal partners. Perceived intimacy is the strongest predictor of non-condom use, with condoms serving as an emotional, physical and symbolic barrier between sex workers work and personal lives [ 27 , 30 , 31 ].
All of the women reported tensions associated with working in the sex industry and having a private sexual relationship including issues of jealousy, resentment, disapproval and disrespect from partners due to the nature of their work. A recent study by Bilardi et al. Most participants reported that sex work interfered with their romantic relationships adversely due to issues of jealousy, guilt and safe sex practices.
Previous studies that have touched on sex workers personal relationships as part of the broader study have also found sex work negatively affects personal relationships. In a further study by Rossler et al. To cope with these issues, sex workers commonly adopt behaviours to separate their work and personal lives [ 17 , 19 , 29 , 32 ].
Work and home lives differ in terms of purpose as well as culture and have specific patterns of attitudes and behaviour for each. A physical border defines where these take place, temporal borders define when the behaviours take place and psychological borders are defined by the individual, dictating when behaviours, thinking patterns and emotions are appropriate for each. The more flexible a border is, the more an individual can think about work while at home and home while at work.
When domains are very different it can be more difficult to juggle the conflicting demands and an individual can experience confusion about their identity and purpose [ 34 ]. In a study by Wolffers et al. Another important aspect was maintaining emotional distance at work while being emotionally involved at home. Other strategies sex workers commonly use to cope with the demands of sex work are taking regular breaks at work, physical boundaries between work and home, keeping to time during consults, hiding appearance and avoiding emotional relationships with clients [ 17 , 19 ].
Similarly, Sanders [ 19 ] found indoor sex workers constructed a manufactured identity in order to maintain a sense of self by limiting certain feelings to work, and certain feelings to their personal lives.
Women had certain rituals surrounding clothing, behaviour and appearance to separate their identities, with some women even referring to their work persona in the third person. The romantic relationships of indoor sex workers, outside of work, has not been studied extensively despite being raised as a concern by many women in the sex industry [ 25 , 29 , 37 ]. It could be argued that psychologically, activities at work and home are very different for sex workers and therefore strong borders between the two would be required in order for a person to cope with the very differing demands.
This study developed from findings of an earlier study by Bilardi et al. This exploratory study allowed for preliminary investigation in an area in which very limited data is currently available. Exploratory studies aims to explore the research questions, gain greater understanding of an issue and lay the groundwork for further investigation into the area of study [ 38 ]. A mixed-methods approach was used as it allowed for the use of multiple methods to explore, identify and confirm findings within the study.
Mixed method studies commonly employ both qualitative and quantitative approaches to allow for greater breadth and depth of understanding and are useful in exploratory design studies [ 39 ]. To be eligible for the study women had to be over the age of 18, have a good understanding of English, and work in a licensed brothel, massage parlour or as a private escort in Victoria, Australia.
Participants were recruited between June and August from the Melbourne Sexual Health Centre MSHC , the largest sexual health clinic in Victoria, Australia, where they attended for their three monthly check up and certificate to work. This study reports only on the 31 questions relating specifically to work characteristics, personal relationships, rates of abuse, condom use, and the levels of mental separation between sex work and personal relationships.
Three questions measuring the separation of work and personal relationships were developed based on a scale of work-family conflict [ 41 ]. An additional two questions were developed by study investigators and related specifically to sex work and personal relationships. Questions included both closed and open ended responses.
Member checking can be undertaken for a variety of reasons, including as a means of validating study findings and ensuring the credibility of results [ 42 ]. Participants were first asked to describe their background in the sex industry before they were verbally presented with the major findings of the study and asked to comment on whether the findings reflected their personal and broader experience of working in the indoor sex industry.
Women were opportunistically recruited to the study during a routine three monthly clinical appointment for sexually transmitted infection testing to obtain their certificate to work. Women were identified through CPMS. During the consultation a nurse briefly explained the study to eligible women and invited them to participate. Women interested in participating were offered a plain language statement and questionnaire at the end of their consultation and given the option to complete the questionnaire privately onsite or complete the questionnaire off-site and return it in a reply paid envelope.
The questionnaire was anonymous with no identifying information collected. Women involved in the member checking interviews were recruited by the same method and interviewed either face to face or by telephone, depending on their preference. Questionnaires were entered into SPSS and analysed using descriptive and frequency analysis.
Open-ended questions were transcribed verbatim and thematic analysis applied. Thematic analysis is a method of identifying, analysing and reporting patterns in qualitative data, which are commonly referred to as themes, to organise the data and convey important and relevant meanings [ 43 ]. Open-ended responses were firstly read and re-read by CB to identify the major themes and categories arising from the data.
Themes were developed based on relevant background literature, questions derived from the aims of the study and issues raised by women. Once identified, themes and categories were coded and text responses grouped according to similarities and differences. Responses were re-read again by CB to further revise, refine and confirm categories.
To ensure consistency and reliability of data analysis, two secondary researchers JB and SC examined a subset of qualitative questionnaire responses to cross check themes and categories.
No further themes or differences in interpretations were identified by either secondary researcher. Member checking interviews were digitally recorded, transcribed verbatim and the same thematic analysis process applied. A total of 55 women completed the questionnaire.
In addition, one woman started and returned the questionnaire but only completed the initial demographic questions and her results were therefore not included in the study. For pragmatic reasons and due to the anonymous nature of the questionnaire we were unable to keep a record of all the women who accepted a questionnaire and did not complete and return it, or the reasons for non-completion.
Table 1 summarises the demographic characteristics of participants. All 55 participants had been in a relationship at some point in their lives. Over half of the women in the study were single at the time of completing the questionnaire. Of the women who were in a relationship, just under half were married or living with their partner. The relationship demographics of the sample are summarised in Table 2. The main ways in which sex work negatively impacted on women in relationships were around issues of dishonesty and distrust, jealousy, stigma and pragmatic issues.
Table 3 provides further quotes from women around these issues. Some women commented that sex work caused problems in their relationships but did not elaborate further.
I have a lot of problems in my relationship because of my work… I just don't want to cause any more problems. The job doesn't help when in a relationship. It's much easier to be single , but I am human , I have feelings. When work is not brought up it is usually fine , but I do feel bad when I think about what they have to put up with.
Of the women in relationships, only half had told their partners they were working in the sex industry. Women who had not told their partners about their work commonly expressed concerns about lying to their partners and the guilt this caused them to feel, which in turn raised issues of trust.
Some women who were lying to their partners about the nature of their work questioned whether their partners might also be deceiving them. I have trusting problems , I feel guilty. All the time I feel like I am a bad person. Women were commonly worried about their partner finding out about their work or thinking they were being unfaithful. All the lying , I have to make up excuses and he is very suspicious.
We always fight about it. For these women, not telling their partners about their work led to questioning about their faithfulness. For women who had told their partners about their work, the impact of sex work on their relationships was largely determined by how their partners reacted when they found out and how they felt about them doing sex work.
The majority of women reported that being honest with their partners about their work had impacted negatively on their relationship rather than positively. Problems often arose when partners had issues with the nature of their work, and experienced jealousy, resulting in arguments. My relationship before this , the guy found it very hard to deal with.
The stigma associated with sex work in the wider community was a major barrier for most women in their relationships, causing difficulties with the level of support and understanding they received from their partners. It is not the fact that I am a sex worker but the fact that stigma is attached to the work , that can cause issues. Other issues in relationships were more pragmatic, with many women reporting that after having to have sex with clients at work all day they were tired and did not want to come home and have sex with their partner.
While most women reported negative impacts on their relationships from sex work, a few felt that sex work had positively impacted on their relationships.
These women felt that sex work had enabled them to experience deeper intimacy with their partners and that sex work improved their private sex life as well as their self-esteem and confidence. We are closer because I need to be more honest about my sexual energy and needs.
It has also proven he is not a possessive or sexist man which is important to me. Being a dominatrix has given me so much confidence and makes me proud to do the work I do. Women who reported positive impacts on their relationships from sex work tended to take a holistic view of sex work, regarding it as an important part of their life and who they were.
These women were less inclined to feel the need to separate their work and home lives, which in turn impacted positively on their personal lives and relationships. I don't separate it too much. It is my life and all parts are important. I am also lucky to have supportive SW sex worker and non-SW sic friends and family. Some women similarly felt that their profession was better understood, and it was easier on their relationship, if they were dating ex-clients who had an understanding of the nature of their work due to their prior experience of sex worker services.
I met my current partner through work , he was a client. That in some ways has made it easier to negotiate being a sex worker because he knows what I do. Over half of the women in the study were single, mainly out of choice, and mostly due to the nature of their work. Some women reported that generally the nature of their work was not conducive to having a relationship, however they did not elaborate further.
More commonly women reported that they chose to remain single while doing sex work either because they were not comfortable with being in a relationship while working in the sex industry or because they felt that partners would not be comfortable with the nature of their work. Interestingly, quite a few women specifically commented that they would not want to be with someone who was comfortable with them being a sex worker. Generally, these women assumed that while they were working it would be better to stay single because the sort of partner they would want to be with was not the type that would want a partner doing sex work.
Other women reported that they felt the need to lie to many people in their lives about the nature of their work and they did not want to lie to a sexual partner, which is why they preferred to stay single while working in the sex industry. Women commonly felt they could not be honest about the nature of their work and this created barriers with relationships and intimacy.
Single women also struggled to be honest about the nature of their work due to the stigma attached to the sex industry. Single women often reported that potential partners did not understand the true nature of their work and the stigma associated with it caused many partners to react negatively. A number of women also spoke of an inability to trust men which developed either early in their lives as a result of physical or sexual abuse or as a consequence of sex work, impacting heavily on their desire to have a relationship.
Because of all the nice and lovely men I have met through work not the pricks I no longer trust men to be faithful. Three sex workers in particular reported that their work had a substantial impact on all facets of their lives. Sex work had become something that defined their whole lives and these women seemed to be more desperate to leave the industry altogether. While many women felt their work kept them from having relationships, a minority reported they were not single because of their work nor did their work have a major impact on their relationships.
If I was to meet someone and there was a chance of anything , I would tell them what I do. Their reaction to it is their business.
These women expressed a desire to be in a relationship, be honest about their work and find a partner who would be comfortable and accept their work. About half of women, either single or in a relationship, spoke about the need to maintain a distinction between their work and personal lives, some however, found this easier to do than others.
This was often because they felt they were deceiving people in their personal lives. If problems occur at work , it may be hard to hide them in your personal life. It has become harder to separate , this is because it kills me to lie and as an older sister I wish I could set a more responsible and steady example. Most women separated their work life from their home life, mainly to try and limit the impact of their work life on their personal life. I'm pretty good at maintaining it all separately.
However , I am on anti-depressants which helps a lot. Of the women, a few reported ways in which they separated their sex work from their personal lives including one sex worker who reported that to keep her work life and personal life separate she did not spend time with other sex workers outside of work.
A number of other women reported that condom use was a way in which they separated sex at work with sex at home. Women generally used condoms with their clients but not with their personal partners.
Never with my former partner as he'd had a vasectomy and we were both checked out and tested. While trying to separate their two lives may have been useful for some women, others found that trying to separate their work and home life made things more difficult and isolating. I find it isolating and stressful to not be able to discuss work at home or with friends.
It used to be quite easy to separate but I am in love with my current partner and this makes it very hard. Overall, women who member checked the questionnaire results agreed with the findings of the study. Tables 4 and 5 provide an overview of their experiences in the sex industry and examples of the impact sex work has on their personal relationships and their use of mental separation as a coping mechanism.
The main difference found between the experiences of the 55 sex workers who completed the questionnaire and the six women interviewed for member checking was that the member checking women were more likely to focus on both the positive and negative effects of sex work on their personal lives and relationships.
Women who completed the questionnaire were more likely to report on the negative effects. Just under half of women were in a relationship at the time of completing the questionnaire, and of these women, just over half reported their partners were not aware they were working in the sex industry. The majority of women who had told their partners they were working in the sex industry experienced largely negative impacts around jealousy and misunderstanding due to the stigma associated with the sex industry.
Interestingly, the difficulties women in relationships reported due to the nature of their work were the same issues or reasons why many women chose to remain single while employed in sex work. A few women reported positive impacts of working in the sex industry and being in a relationship, including an improved sex life, higher levels of intimacy with their partner and improved self-esteem and confidence. Over half of women reported they found it difficult to mentally separate their work life from their personal life, using mechanisms such as not socialising with other sex workers or using condoms with clients but not with romantic partners to separate the two spheres.
The findings from this study support and extend previous findings [ 25 , 33 , 37 ] which have also found that women working in the sex industry commonly report negative impacts on their relationships as a result of their work due to issues around lying, trust and feelings of guilt. In a study by Warr and Pyett [ 37 ] of condom use among women working in the sex industry in Australia, women in relationships commonly experienced similar negative impacts due to the nature of their work.
Past research has shown that it is not uncommon for couples in other occupations to also experience negatives issues associated with suspicion, jealousy and questions of faithfulness [ 44 ]. These issues commonly result if violations of trust and loyalty occur, which are thought to be integral to relationship satisfaction. As previous studies have also found [ 14 — 18 ], stigma was a major barrier in sex workers personal romantic relationships, with women commonly reporting that partners misunderstood the true nature of their work due to negative stigma surrounding the sex industry, leading to significant problems in their relationships.
As found in this study and others, the shame associated with doing sex work contributed to many women not disclosing the nature of their work for fear of being judged or rejected [ 14 , 17 — 19 ]. It was also common for women in this study to feel the need to maintain a distinction between their work and personal life, using separation as a coping mechanism to manage the two spheres of their lives, including not socialising with other sex workers, and using condoms with clients but not with romantic partners.
This has previously been suggested to reflect levels of intimacy in relationships as well as creating a symbolic barrier between sex at work and sex at home [ 34 , 37 ]. Other common coping mechanisms sex workers use to separate the two spheres, a number of which were identified in this study, include lying to their partners and significant people in their lives about their work, trying to maintain a psychological distinction between sex at work and home, and changing dress, makeup and even persona in order to maintain distinctions between their work life and personal life [ 19 , 25 — 29 , 37 ].
The stigma associated with sex work is likely to prevent women from being able to breakdown the borders between their work and personal lives, particularly where partners are not supportive or understanding of the nature of their work which contributes to their inability to discuss their work openly. The theory of mentally separating work and home has been previously explored through the lens of border theory which posits that when work and home lives are very different it is important to maintain strong borders around them in order to lead a balanced life [ 34 ].
The women in this study appeared to have mixed reactions around mentally separating their work and home life, with the majority of women finding it useful to maintain a distinction between the two, and the few who felt it was unnecessary more likely to view sex work as an important part of their lives and identity. Previous research has similarly shown that creating distinctions between work and personal lives was an important aspect of coping for many women in the sex industry [ 17 , 32 , 45 ].
The ability to do this can depend on individual differences such as personal coping style and ways of thinking about their work. Some women found separating the two worlds useful and even had a separate persona for work than for home as has been shown previously [ 17 , 19 , 29 , 32 ]. Women who viewed sex work as part of their lives and who they were, were more likely to be in a position to freely discuss their work with their romantic partners, most of who accepted it well and often had a greater understanding of the industry.
Women who had supportive partners tended to report more positive experiences of the impact of work on their relationships and demonstrated a more integrated psychological approach to work and home life balance. Interestingly, single women in this study commonly chose not to have a relationship while working in the sex industry for the same reasons the women in relationships raised.
Women did not want to have to lie to potential partners or deal with the trust issues they knew would inevitably arise. These findings are consistent with previous study findings by Warr and Pyett [ 37 ], who reported that a number of women were concerned about having a relationship while working in the sex industry for these reasons. As we found in this study, a considerable number of women also reported they did not want a relationship while working in the sex industry as the relationships available to them did not seem to fit with their idea of a healthy relationship.
Women reported that they did not want a partner who would be comfortable with them doing sex work and associated this with commitment, respect and love.
This relationship paradox whereby women felt it was impossible to have a relationship while working in the sex industry as it would only be possible with a man that they would not want to be with is worth exploring further.
While the women themselves may be comfortable with their choice to work in the sex industry they do not want a partner who is comfortable with them engaging in sex work, indicating their views of sex work may be much more complex than is initially apparent, and they may not be as comfortable with sex work as it appears. To our knowledge this is the first study to specifically explore the experiences of indoor sex workers in relation to the impact of sex work on their personal relationships and the use of mental separation as a coping mechanism.
A further strength of this study is that it focused on sex workers who are involved in the legal sex industry where occupational health and safety regulations are enforced. Women are more likely to present with issues due to the work itself, such as issues regarding their emotional wellbeing and relationships, rather than, for example, issues around personal safety. Although indoor sex workers safety is still of some concern it is much more likely to be an issue in the illegal sex industry..
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Former escort Gwyneth Montenegro passes on some of her sexy secrets. In fact, many men want a genuine conversation and connection — something they might not get with girls the same age as their daughters. Can you see me wanting to book a year-old? If I wanted to have some conversation and connection and to feel like I was getting the attention I wanted, do you think a year-old would necessarily give me that kind of service?
And getting men excited about bedroom action often had little to do with skimpy outfits out in public. When it comes to the clothes you wear, she said: A post shared by Gwyneth Montenegro gwynethmontenegro on Oct 19, at 8: Montenegro revealed she had written the guide to empower women thinking of entering the industry and to teach them how to survive. This article originally appeared on The Sun and has been republished with permission.
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